Being Enough; Becoming a Mother

Day to day life and interactions can be difficult enough when you’re just married or even single. Life is full of demands. There’s school, work, cleaning, self-care, familial obligations, student loans, volunteering, pets, friends, etc.  All of it can be a struggle. you feel like you’re being pulled in a thousand different directions, and you’re not sure which fire needs to be doused first.

Add a baby to the mix, and you can go from feeling like you’re treading water well to being on the brink of drowning.  Your fires have gone from bonfire to full on forest fire scale, and you find yourself unsure if you need to burst into tears, scream, or curl up into a tight little ball and wish the world away.  Oh, and then if you’re dealing with any bit of postpartum “gumbo” you find yourself feeling royally F-ed from time to time because on top of not feeling like you can possibly give anymore of yourself, you’re also having to come to terms simultaneously that you’re also dying.

Holy crap Batman.

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Accepting Death; Becoming a Mother

In 9 days my little mister is going to be 6 months old.  How on earth did that happen? What happened to my squishy newborn who was content sleeping on my chest and made the most wonderful little squeaks?  How is he already doing a quick one-armed army crawl across our living room, has an opinion and is eating solids?  While I miss those early days, I do have to admit that I am loving everything Bernhard is doing and how he’s growing.  I’m also a little terrified of what’ll happen when he actually gets up on those knees and ZIPS around the apartment.  Hello babygate!

If I were to tell you that the last 6 months have been total bliss that would be one big, fat, juicy lie.  The last six months have probably contained some of the hardest most stressful things in my life.  Things that have pulled me apart until I’m shredded and feel like I simply cannot keep going, but somehow we make it (all three of us) to the next minute, the next hour, the next day, and now poof it’s six months later.  I’ve cried a LOT in the last 6 months.  Some nights I’ve gotten next to no sleep, forgotten to eat (which i’m still not sure how I managed), had to deal with so much physical pain I’ve needed narcotics (yay cesarean birth) and been slapped upside the head with anxiety and depression so hard there have been moments where I wasn’t sure I could make it because the pain from those physically hurt so much I wasn’t sure I could keep going.  But I did, I have and I’m continuing to go.

Why and how? I look at Bernhard and know why.  I look to John Paul and I know how.   Continue reading

(nearly) Wordless Wednesdays: #worldbreastfeedingweek – my hardcore nurser

Happg World Breastfeeding Week/Month!!!!!

On the breastfeeding front I feel like I’ve been really fortunate. From first latch Bernhard has been perfect. I cherish every moment nursing him, and probably even moreso now that I’m back at work.

One funny thing that I’ve noticed since bringing him home. When he’s nursing intently with very focused concentration this happens:

  He leave an EAR PRINT!!!! And it’s both sides! I joke that he’s a ‘hardcore nurser’. Kinda metal, no ;) \m/ :D

Vlog: FABULOUS Food Fridays

Katie has been in town helping us with the baby since I’ve
been back at work.  Today when buying things for for the baptism
we saw the newest Lays flavors and decided to do an on-the-fly
parody video of our two younger sisters and their food channel!


Hey there Internet

Sooooo, I’ll give you one guess what has been keeping us busy. Baby E arrived May 18th and was born via emergency c-section (aka, scary as sh!t for all of us), but JP, our SON and I are all doing wonderfully and gettin into our groove as a family of three.

Senorita Fluffybutt is adjusting well too.  When we brought the baby home she sniffed him and looked at us like ‘yes humans, that is indeed a tiny human. Are you expecting a treat or something?’

So, Internet, and friends and family who I’ve been driving crazy with a lack of pictures (that maternal instinct to protect has been super strong!), meet Bernhard Joseph:

He loves being held, cuddling up with us, listening to The Beatles (as he did in the womb), looking at our faces and has given himself a number of hickies. He has been a champion nurser from the get go, and hates being without clothes.

He is absolutely perfect, and we are completely smitten with him. And I love being a mother to this littlw boy :)