Reflecting on Love and Loss

Two weeks ago my family was blindsided by the very sudden passing of my beautiful maternal grandmother on January 12th. I’ve been trying to distance myself from the event before writing.  As I’m sure you can guess, there has been a LOT of very very raw emotion running around, and I wanted to write a tribute to her that she would want to read. Stepping back from the blog for a bit was the best decision for all parties, similarly as when I was in the trenches of postpartum gumbo.

On top of Grandma’s passing, my dear Aunt lost her husband just as suddenly on the 13th.  I can only imagine what she and my cousins have been going through. Lots of thoughts and prayers for them. To say 2017 is off to a rough start might be a bit of an understatement.

One of the things I know I will regret for a long time personally is that Bernhard and any future children will not have the opportunity to meet the amazing woman my grandmother was — she died a couple weeks shy of 81, but she was amazing, and probably one of the top commenters on this little internet space of mine.  She’d even nudge me every so often when I hadn’t posted an update.  This is of course just a silly superficial thing I will miss about her.

She and my grandfather were married for over 60 years, which in this day and age is literally #marriagegoals — I can only hope that JP and I can make it almost that long.  Actually, all of our grandparents were married over 50, which makes each of those four couple great examples for us.

Grandma dancing with me, my mom and aunts at my wedding.
Grandma dancing with me, my mom and aunts at my wedding.

My grandparents had five wonderful beautiful daughters over seven years — my mom being the oldest.  All five of them were raised to be strong independent women, and they are all very intelligent and accomplished.

She had bunches of awesome grand- and great grandchildren.  When I announced my pregnancy with Bernhard to her she was SO excited, and I know she was excited for all of the others.

When I was little — from about age 4-7, I was lucky enough to live down the street from her and my grandfather.  I remember staying up with her one year to see Miss America crowned.  It was really exciting to me, and I think she was JUST as excited as I was. The night my brother was born, my sisters, Katie and Meg, and I got to stay with her and Grandpa, and Grandma made sure we were tucked in, read us stories and probably got very little sleep that night due to three excited little girls.  These are just a couple among many treasured memories I had growing up with her in my life.

For my wedding it was extremely important that my “Something Old.Borrowed” came from her.  I wore HER lace high heels — my reasoning was that my mom also wore these for her wedding day.  It was important to me that I share in what has become a bit of a tradition. I also made sure to get something from my other grandmother, Nonnie, and I borrowed her pearls. My wedding “look” would not have been complete without contributions from both of my grandmothers.

Upon reflecting on her life and what she’s meant to me over the last couple weeks I realized that while her passing cuts deep and will probably hurt for a long time, but I’m also realizing how much I got from her and how very very fortunate I was to have her in my life for so long.



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